Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
