do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
