Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
