Can i not drive my cunt home
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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