just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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