I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
