Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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