just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
