Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
