dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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