This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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