We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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