Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
