is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
