She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
