Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
