no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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