this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
