Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
