Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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