Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
