I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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