WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
