It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
