Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
