you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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