well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
