i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
