its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
