He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
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REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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