i think i have herpe
just one?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
