whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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