I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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