I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
