hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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