can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
