everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
