So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
honey bunches of taint.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
