First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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