dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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