You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
