We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
