That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
