Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
