i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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