Pants 0. Shit 1.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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