Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I could fuck to npr.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
