youre lurking in front of me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
