we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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