morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
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