Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
