my sisters under your porch take her home
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
