my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We need to rekindle our bromance
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
