At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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