I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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