Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
