Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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