Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
