This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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