Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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