i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
