have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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